How slings and carriers can be used to promote attachment with adoptive and foster families.

October 19, 2015October 19, 20152 Comments

“The single most important child rearing practice to be adopted for the development of emotional and socially healthy infants and children is to carry the infant on the body of the care giver all day long”.

In 1996 James Prescott in his piece “The Origins of Human Love and Violence” stated that “the single most important child rearing practice to be adopted for the development of emotional and socially healthy infants and children is to carry the infant on the body of the care giver all day long”. This statement has stuck with me since the first time I read it and is integral in explaining why slings and carriers can be an important tool for foster and adoptive families.

http://www.healthofchildren.com

The act of carrying our young is not a new concept, carrying is in fact normal. It is one of the few universal things which unite nations and cultures (although we each have our own carrying methods and histories), as babies and small children want and need to be held. Observe a newborn and you will see how they turn their feet inwards to cling to their mother, their hands grasp to hold on and they bring their knees above their bottom into a fetal position once more. These primitive reflexes have survived our evolution and remain evidence of their need to be carried. For biological mothers and fathers it can be completely natural for them to want to pick their children up, to hold them to kiss them and to carry them and in doing so continue to develop the strong attachments between baby and parent that began when baby was in utero.

Attachments are deep and enduring emotional bonds that connects one person to another, they are the foundations on which we can grow. As demonstrated by Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs simply providing a child with food and shelter is not enough for them to prosper. Safety, security and love are also needed.

Typically children will seek their attachment figure when they are upset or threatened (Bowlby, 1969) or when they feel unwell – there is therefore no spoiling baby by picking them up: it is meeting their basic need for love and reassurance. By choosing to use a sling parents are able to keep their baby close in order to be responsive and reactive to their needs. Neuroscientists Megan Gunnar and Bonny Donzella summed it up nicely when they wrote “the effect of sensitive, responsive, attentive caregiving is that it allows children to express and experience distress, communicate those emotions without stimulating increases in glucocorticoids.” As small babies and children have very few ways in which they can communicate; by keeping them close parents are able to pick up quickly and easily on non-vocal cues as well as respond to the more vocal.

Children who have been separated from their care giver have also been shown to elicit a cortisol response and prolonged and extreme levels of cortisol negatively affect the developing brain. This stress hormone for example was shown to rise in one study in 1992 when securely attached 9 month old infants were separated for 30 minutes from their mother and left with a babysitter who although ensured the child was safe, did not respond to their needs. It is also known that cortisol increases in babies without secure attachments, so by adopting methods which can help increase attachment we can go some way to reduce cortisol levels in infants. Children unable to manage toxic prolonged stress by themselves and need the help of caring adults to support them (Middlebrooks and Audage, 2008). If this is not available and toxic stress is prolonged infant brain growth is effected (National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, 2005).

Unfortunately not all babies or small children have the benefit of a loving or safe home, with strong and secure attachment figures. As such they will not receive support from an adult capable of responding sensitively or appropriately to their needs. Bowlby’s early work into attachment theory led us to understand the need for strong attachments and he described these as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings”. Typically between a primary care giver (usually the mother) and a child and that this relationship had a strong effect on the child’s social, emotional and cognitive development. Children who are unable to form this strong bonds in early childhood are at a disadvantage; as securely attached children and adults live happier, less conflict ridden lives (Whitborne, 2005). Foster and adoptive families have an immense role in helping to form strong attachment bonds with the children they look after and to help those children who do not have strong attachment bonds to begin to form them.

Carrying adopted and foster children can help promote attachments with their adoptive/foster parents and ease transition to their new life. This does not mean immediately a child is placed with a family putting them in a sling but it is a useful tool that should not be discounted. Baronel and Lionetti in 2012 stated that adoption is “an intervention that assures the adoptive child the opportunity to catch up on emotional development and to partially resolve prior traumatic attachment experiences”. As using a sling has been shown to promote secure attachments between mother and child, primarily because of the speed by which mother could respond, we can therefore hypothesise that carrying an adopted child in a carrier could have the same benefits for attachment and this appears to be the case from case studies I found and from my own experiences.

There are several reasons why carrying a child in a sling can be helpful. These can typically be broken into health reasons and practical reasons. Using a sling or carrier has been shown to enhance growth and weight gain (Charpak, 2005), stabilize baby’s heart rate, resulting in lower cases of bradycardia and tachycardia (McCain, 2005), and even ease the symptoms of reflux (Tasker, 2002) to name just a few. While also simply giving the wearer their hands back, especially important if you have older children to care for, or for those days where baby simply doesn’t want to be put down. But the majority of research has been done between child and biological parents, primarily the mother. However, anybody can sling: parents, grandparents, child minders and nursery nurses, older siblings etc. Therefore carrying your child could be as important to adoptive parents as it is to biological parents, maybe even more so. This is one of the why for example The UP Project, a UK community interest company which provides free carriers to disadvantaged families, includes foster and adoptive families in the category of families they can help.

In 2009 Bick and Dozier found that when mothers engaged with biological and non-biological children, oxytocin production was higher after the interactions with the non-biological children. Oxytocin or ‘the love hormone’ has been associated with “attachment related thoughts” and there is a “general consensus that oxytocin has positive effects on human social behaviour” and a “secure attachment in infancy is important for normal psychological development…from which the infant explores the world beyond” (Campbell, 2010). Therefore the way in which close contact can help boost oxytocin production, and as a result attachment, can be seen as an important reason for adoptive and foster parents to carry the children in their care. This was supported by research conducted in 2007 which concluded that by replicating earlier missed experiences, such as close physical contact via the use of a sling, and being responsive to child’s needs, the caregiver would help the emotional development of child and promote attachment (Gribble, 2007). Gribble in this study began with the hypothesis that those physiological practices which help post-partum attachments should and could be applied to adopted children, and this seems to be the case from working with lots of families at sling library sessions.

For example, on one busy Saturday afternoon drop in session I had a visit from a Mum and Dad and their three children (two girls 3 and 2, and a baby boy of 9 months). A completely normal experience in my work. It was not until their 2nd visit that I discovered they were an adoptive family and they had come to find a sling: firstly for the practical reasons of getting their hands back but also to help with bonding. When I asked Mum why she chose to use the sling library she said that using slings had helped promote attachment with her baby and that “there does not exist the same closeness with our oldest child, who most people would have said at 3 and a half was too old to be carried”. Amazed that she could carry her older children Mummy A is now allowing her older children the opportunity to be carried to give them “the experience they never had as a youngster”.

“there does not exist the same closeness with our oldest child, who most people would have said at 3 and a half was too old to be carried”.

There are several different kinds of sling available and there are slings suitable for tiny premature babies through to pre-school and beyond, there is a carrier for all situations. One family who came to visit was Baby girl L and her mummy. With a dog that needing walking and a caravan they needed a sling. On this occasion Baby L had been placed with her parents from birth with them acting as foster parents while they went through the adoption process to avoid her having to be placed in temporary foster care. Born prematurely she was a tiny 5lb 1oz when she came to visit for the first time. After hiring a sling for 4 weeks Mum J told me that she want to try a sling “after a few people told me it was the next best thing to being pregnant”. Later on she was able to say that it has “most definitely helped with the attachment we have with Baby L”.

“after a few people told me it was the next best thing to being pregnant….most definitely helped with the attachment we have with Baby L”

Sling library’s and babywearing consultants exist across the country and they want to help parents to find the carrier that works for them. It isn’t a one size fits all world. My own sling library has carriers that can comfortably carry up to 24kg thus allowing even older children to be carried close to their adopted parent as possible. An appropriately chosen sling or carrier for age and development of child should mean that the weight is distributed evenly and make it comfortable for the wearer. Babywearing is like any form of exercise, take it slowly and build up. Then the only limit on how long you carry your child is how you both feel about it. It will take your body a little time to adjust to the extra weight, but this gets easier the more you do it, so little and often is the key when starting to carry older children.

With so many different types of sling available it can be daunting where to start. Babies under 3 months have indiscriminate attachments, predisposed from birth to form an attachment to any care giver, for them stretchy wraps and carriers such as the Close Caboo™ offer a relatively easy and affordable entry into the sling world. Small babies are the most likely to want to be carried and this can make the transition to a sling easier for them. As with everything, it is important to ensure you follow all safety guidelines, especially the TICKS guidelines and manufacturers instructions.

For older babies and toddlers who may not have had the same experiences of close contact it may take more time for them to adjust. A hip carrier, such as the Scootababy™, does not enclose them to the same degree as a wrap based carrier. It is possible with older to children to find carriers with patterns or pictures that they like, making it “their sling”, giving them some autonomy and choice in the process of selecting the carrier can make it easier for them to become adjusted to it. Choosing a sling with a variety of carrying positions is also helpful and building up how long you use the sling. For some children they may not want to be looking at the adults face but may prefer to be on their back, close but not too close, while others seek the security of their carers face.

There is no one size fits all solution. Take time to see what works for both carer and child. One family visited me and hired a carrier for their newly adopted 15 month old who had only just begun to walk. They hoped that the sling would allow them to get out and about but she was hesitant to go in the sling to start with and after a month coped with small periods only. They show that we cannot expect miracles straight away, we should always move only at the baby’s pace.

My final case study is a story of international adoption. Thank you D, her husband A and baby R for letting me share. In the spring of this year they adopted an 1.5 year old little boy from China. They took with them a carrier with them and I want to finish with her description of using the carrier: “it was particularly useful on the internal and international flights and trips. It was such a brilliant way to bond with my new son, keeping each other cosy. R accepted the carrier without complaint, in fact he accepted everything about his new life with good humor and curiosity, and trusted us from the start. He is amazing. We are so lucky to be his parents, and I love being his Momma”. R demonstrates the resilience of children. The freedom and joy that the carrier gave them is the same freedom and joy biological parents, grandparents and aunties and uncles feel when they use a sling, let us make it the norm for adoptive and foster families too, after all Carrying is normal.

“It was such a brilliant way to bond with my new son, keeping each other cosy. R accepted the carrier without complaint, in fact he accepted everything about his new life with good humor and curiosity, and trusted us from the start.”

Finally I am going to leave you with a few words of wisdom from the first foster mum who got me interested in the benefits of sling use for adoptive and foster families, I feel she speaks the clearest of any of us.

“Part of the reason it can help is children that may have attachment issues when they are adopted, and need security, a feeling of safety and above all else to be claimed. Using the sling as one means of promoting that close contact and parental availability all assists in the vital settling in and bonding period. Added to this the practicality of a sling as an excellent means of transport can be invaluable to a parent learning the job.”

Background

This blog was originally published in 2014 as part of my Slingababy consultancy community project. The original blog can be viewed here. I was then approached by the organisers of the 2015 Northern Sling Exhibition to present a seminar on the topic. This blog is a reworking of original piece and includes more on attachment . Case studies are anonymous to protect the families involved.

References

Anisfeld E, Casper V, Nozyce M, Cunningham N. (1990) Does Infant Carrying Promote Attachment? An Experimental Study of the Effects of Increased Physical Contact on the Development of Attachment. Child Development 61:1617-1627.

Baronel L and Lionetti F, ‘Attachment and emotional understanding: a study of late adopted pre-schoolers and their parents’, Child Care Health Development, 2012 Sept 38 (5)

Bick J and Dozier M, ‘Mothers and children’s concentrations of oxytocin following close, physical interactions with biological and non-biological children’, Psychobiology 52: 100-1007, 2009

Bowlby J. (1969). Attachment. Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Loss. New York: Basic Books.

Campbell A, ‘Oxytocin and Human Social Behaviours’, Personality and Social Psychology Review, April 2010, p. 281-296

Charpak, N., “Kangaroo Mother Care: 25 Years After,” Acta Paediatric 94 2005: 5, 514-522.

Gribble, K.D, ‘A model for caregiving of adopted children after institutionalization’, Journal of Child and Adolesent Psychiatric Nursing, Feb 2007, Vol 20:1, p.14-26

Gunnar MR, Donzella B. Social regulation of the cortisol levels in early human development. Psychoneuroendocrinology 2002; 27: 199-220

Middlebrooks JS, Audage NC. The Effects of Childhood Stress on Health Across the Lifespan. Atlanta (GA): Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control; 2008.

McCain, G et al. “Heart Rate Variability Responses of a Preterm Infant to Kangaroo Care,” 2005 Journal of Obstetrics,

National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2005). Excessive Stress Disrupts the Architecture of the Developing Brain: Working Paper No. 3. Retrieved from http://www.developingchild.harvard.edu

Prescott, J. ‘The Origins of Human Love and Violence’, Pre and perinatal psychology Journal, Spring 1996, Vol 10;3 p. 155

Tasker, A., Dettmar, P. W., Panetti, M., Koufman, J. A., Birchall, J. P., and Pearson, J. P. (2002). Is gastric reflux a cause of Otitis media with effusion in children? The Laryngoscope, 112:1930–1934

Whitborne, S,K. “The 4 Principles of Attachment Parenting and Why They Work” in Psychology Today 2013, July

Why does a bit of fabric mean so much?

August 31, 2015August 31, 2015Leave a comment

Just over two years ago I wrote this blog for the Natural Mamas website: “But it’s just a bit of cloth“. Since then many more bits of cloth have made it into this house. Isaac is now 3.5 and not carried as much but when he is I still love the flexibility of a woven wrap and often a ring sling too. The memories are even more special the more infrequent they become.

I have owned lots of different wraps but can I make a confession? I have never owned a handwoven, a Pamir or an Artipoppe for example. Although I have holidayed and played with some of them. I haven’t wanted to own one. That does not mean I have always brought standard line wraps and have owned some limited editions and harder to find slings. My beloved Didymos Silver Geckos 6 took 18 months to find. This lack of High End wraps doesn’t make me any less or more of a wrapper than someone who has only ever used a SPOC or a budget brand. We are carrying our children. That is all that matters. We are holding them close when it matters.

Wrapping has helped me stay sane. From the early days of a Velcro reflux baby, to wake up from naps, during post op recovery, to mundane things of walking the dog and doing the school run. It has let Isaac attend social events from the security of mummies back. Even today at 3.5 he was a little daunted by an event. But cuddles in our ring sling let him get used to where he was before he chose to go and play.

This week however I have taken delivery of a Woven Wings Leaf Gold Geo and paid for a Pavo Textiles wrap.

The WW is for the sling library but the Pavo is for me. Why have I just brought it? Well it is called Coy Hearts. My surname is Coy. I felt it would be the perfect way for us to end our carrying journey. I just hope Isaac has the same feelings. I suppose it will be a legacy wrap. Lots of people want to know what their legacy wrap is. Often believing it has to be the one release on the day their baby was born. It what if you don’t like it? What if there wasn’t one? A legacy wrap can be anything if you like it, anything that means something to you. I am dreading the day our carrying journey comes to an end. So I suppose I should enjoy the cuddles while I can and make the most of them.

In celebration of our Carried Big Kids

July 5, 20152 Comments

Anyone who has read my blogs, or who follows my Facebook page will know that my babies are not babies anymore. My ‘carried baby’ is now 3 but he is carried almost daily and over recent days has been carried even more than normal. A combination of the heat and not sleeping very well (probably also heat related) has meant Isaac has wanted cuddles with his Mummy and Daddy just that bit more. I have no qualms in carrying him when he needs it or when it makes my life that bit easier.

Isaac opts for daddies shoulders and Henry asked for a cuddle after a full on morning at Centre Parcs climbing trees.

There are plenty of 3 year olds who are still transported by their parents in a pushchair, and also countless who get a piggy back or ride on a carers shoulders. Why should being carried in a sling be a seen as any different? All babies, no matter how old need and want that security. The research has shown that those who are carried develop secure attachments which helps promote brain development and independence. Anyone who witnesses my two boys running off to play in the park or cycling so fast I can’t keep up will know they are not clingy; they are secure in the knowledge that I am there and that they can explore.

You can imagine my disgust at a recent photograph that has been circulating on social media of a Mum carrying her 5 year old while out shopping. Although uncommon, carrying my 5 year old in a carrier is something I do on occasion. The photograph was secretly taken by a shop assistant and then shared on her Facebook profile shaming the mother for carrying her child and pushing her baby in a pushchair. This photo has been shared in several groups I am a member of and has attracted attention from around the world. One post on Netmums Facebook page had over 300 comments when I last looked.

There are several reasons why I dislike this photo and why I will not share the photo itself in this post; although you can read more about it and see the picture here. Firstly the photograph was taken and shared without permission by an employee as she worked. Who thinks this is a good idea? And why did she have her phone with her anyway? Secondly, the comments she wrote in attributing the photos were full of hate and disgust. It is nobody’s right to question how I or the mum in that photo parent our children. Finally does it really matter if the 5 year old was having a carry. Would the shop worker have snapped a photo the mum if she had her little girl on her shoulders or was giving her a piggy back? Exactly what is the difference here? The only thing I can see was that she was being carried in a standard size sling (a Tula Baby Carrier) rather than a specifically made toddler or preschool carrier. But the Tula has been tested to use to 45lb, (my 5.5 year old doesn’t weigh that), so there is nothing unsafe about carrying an older child in a standard sling as long as within weight limits and comes sufficiently up their back to stop them falling out and this sling does.

Carrying our big kids is clearly something lots of the mums and dads I work with do. Our toddler and preschool carriers (weight wise many go to 24kg which is way past preschool) are some of the most popular I have. People hire them for holidays, long walks, day trips and sometimes just so they can have a cuddle without having to hold the full weight of their child; ideal if you have disabilities or medical conditions for example. I asked the patents in my Facbook group to share their stories and their photographs in celebration of their big kids. Here are just some of their stories and reasons to carry their big kids.

Firstly we have Jeni and her little one, she said that sling cuddles are important because:

“Hands free, slingy cuddles are still great at 26 months and totally beats a buggy in city centres. This is us in NYC last month.”

Next is Carla and her gorgeous big girl. She said she carried her because although her 5year old is not carried usually she was

“tired and grumpy and needed a rest.”

Jillian carries her 4 year old when needed, although on this day trip Daddy got the duties and his back saved his arms.

“We still wear our almost 4 year old because sometimes little legs get tired when we’re out on adventures and nothing beats a Daddy (or Mummy) slingy cuddle (and it’s loads easier than carrying her in your arms!!) “

Sarah T said one of the reasons why she carries her older child is because “They say they definitely want to walk. They don’t want you to take the double buggy, then they get tired….and other times it’s just a lot safer in large crowds. I don’t want her to be trodden on, or possibly worse, to escape!” Surely that is a good enough reason to carry our children.

One of the most common reasons we found were because our big kids were poorly. Here is Becky J’s husband carrying her little boy (3.5 years in the photo) because he was unwell with chicken pox and wanted some fresh air. In this photo they are using a standard size baby carrier (an Ergo Baby Carrier) just like the mum was in the photo which prompted this blog.

Thank you to all the mummies who shared photos and their reasons for carrying older children. I hope that the person who took the original photograph to criticise a mum just going about her normal business will realise that #carryingisnormal no matter what the age of our babies, after all no matter how old our children are they will forever be our babies. I have collated some of the other photographs in this video.

Slings made me the Mother I am

March 15, 2015March 15, 2015Leave a comment

Today is my 6th Mothers Day as a Mummy. My two beautiful boys are my world. Back in 2010 I was still at the start of my carrying journey and it was my first Mothering Sunday. My baby boy was just 7 weeks old. I was yet to discover the mass array of slings and carriers available. I was muddling through motherhood the best I could and learning on the job.

Henry at 7 weeks old

Unlike birds our babies cannot sit quietly in a nest. They are not like four legged mammals who can get straight up and walk and run with their mum from birth; they want to be held. They turn their feet towards each other to hold on, they grasp with their tiny hands. Babies are a clinging young. They need us and want us. Slings became my secret weapon to let me meet their needs (and hey mine – it meant I got to eat a meal while it was still hot for example). I didn’t need slings to be a mum but once I did discover them they definitely made me the mum I am. Slings and breastfeeding my babies (both till way over a year) became part of who I am. If they needed soothing because they were tired or upset these became my tools to calm them: Without them I think I would have gone mad.

I was muddling through motherhood the best I could and learning on the job.

Six years down the line slings are part of me. I have lost count of how many I have owned, holidayed and simply tried but they remain a constant. This week my youngest (2 years 10 months as the prescription form informed me yesterday) had an operation. A relatively minor operation to help his breathing overnight by removing his tonsils and adenoids (he was diagnosed just before Christmas with Obstructive Sleep Apneoa). However, the operation still required a general anaesthetic and a night in hospital. He is still feeling pretty rough five days later. While waiting nil by mouth for his operation he asked for a cuddle in the sling.

Not the best FWCC I have ever done but post-op if got Isaac settled and back to sleep.

In the recovery room coming around from his anaesthetic he was screaming “Mummy ing” (he struggles with first sounds of words) over and over, back on the ward upset and feeling sore he asked for “ing” before falling asleep. That night when tired but scared because he was in a strange place he was wrapped to go to sleep and when I transferred him to the hospital cot he wrapped himself back up in the wrap using it like a blanket. We have had lots of sling cuddles since we got home. Slings to us both mean security and reassurance. They are also practical for me. He wants to be held but he is 14kg my arms simply won’t let me hold him for the length of time he wants to be held.

I did not need a sling to be a Mum, I probably could have muddled through without slings but I know they have made my life simpler and less stressful. I cannot imagine the start of my boys lives without them.

Motherhood to me means responding to my boys needs first and foremost; slings (and mummy milk) were my means to do this. Happy Mother’s Day to mummies everywhere. Treasure your babies for they for they don’t stay babies long. But they will always need their mum.

A to Z of Sling Myths Debunked Part 2

March 7, 2015March 8, 2015Leave a comment

After part one of my A to Z of Sling Myths Debunked blog was so well received, as promised here is Part 2 N to Z. Do you have any suggestions for an alternative alphabet of Sling Myths?

New means safe: Buying a sling new does not automatically make it safe. Discrepancies in manufacturing processes, cheap imitations, counterfeited carriers and simple errors in the fabric can make flaws exist in the sling. It is important to check your new sling over when it arrives in the same way you would with a preloved sling. If the price seems too good to be true be careful with your purchase. Cheap imitation and counterfeit carriers do not have any warranty or guarantees. Many new carriers and slings now come with a warranty card which allows you to register your purchase to be notified of any safety recalls. This is primarily associated with slings sold in the USA but it is becoming increasingly more common with UK slings too. Remember to always check for latest instructions for the sling you are using as manufacturers will occasionally change these in accordance with latest safety guidance and best practise. If you bought a sling for older children and intend to use for a new baby take time to double check latest version of instructions from manufacturer.

Overheat: Babies are worn in slings in societies and cultures across the globe. These range from the freezing Arctic north to sub-Saharan Africa so the issue of temperature control is an important one. Your baby is not going to overheat in a sling and there are some simple measures you can follow to ensure you both stay as comfortable as possible. Firstly ensure you both stay hydrated. Breastfed babies are likely to want to feed more frequently in hot weather, therefore keeping Mum hydrated is very important to maintain milk supply. If your baby is bottle fed ensure you offer liquids regularly. Clothing is an important factor to consider too. Layers provide an excellent way of keeping warm in cold weather and in hot weather fewer layers is key. Remember, the sling you are using can often be counted as several layers of clothing. Could you opt for a breathable fabric or lightweight sling? Finally make sure exposed skin is protected from sun and wind burn. Did you know that if you wear your baby skin to skin that it is possible for thermoregulation to occur. This is perfect if your baby has a temperature and is feeling poorly.

Premature babies need a stretchy wrap: Stretchy wraps are often a parents first introduction to slings and are often suggested as ideal for parents of premature babies. Kangaroo Mother Care has been identified as helping premature babies to develop and grow and one element of this is skin to skin contact. Skin to skin can be facilitated by a wrap, whether stretchy or woven and in fact does not require a sling at all. Many stretchy wraps are suitable for very small babies (Hana Baby, Boba Wrap, Victoriaslinglady for example) and there are an increasing number of Kangaroo Mother Care tops available. However, although relatively simple to use there are occasions when a stretchy wrap would not be suitable for a premature baby. Those born with low muscle tone for example may benefit from the support of a woven wrap for example. Therefore it should not be a blanket ‘premature babies need a stretchy’ but more ‘contact a sling consultant for advice on your specific circumstances’.

Quit (don’t): The two most common reasons I find why people want to give up are 1) They are finding it tricky and 2) something is uncomfortable or hurts. For the first, the easiest way of getting better is by practise and asking for help. Once you have mastered the basics it does get easier. The second reason is more tricky. People often assume that if it hurts then you need to quit. Although this may be the case, it may also be your body getting used to a new form of exercise. If you have never carried your baby in a sling before don’t expect to be able to have the stamina to carry them straight away for hours at a time. If you have only ever front carried then your body will need to readjust if you start back carries. Like with any exercise the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Consider a different sling; more or less padding, rucksack or crossed straps. Again ask for help and someone can work with you to find a solution. It is important though never to ignore your doctors advice if they tell you to stop carrying and do not expect a babywearing consultant to just carry on; that would mean we were giving medical advice something we simply aren’t qualified to do. Could another adult carry baby? Or have you considered taking your sling to show your doctor and let them see it in use before making a blanket ban?

Ruin your back: “You must have a back of steel” or “oh I couldn’t do that with my back” are phrases I have heard a lot. However, no one ever says it to parents who are using a buggy, yet in 2009 83% of mums surveyed for a survey for pushchair manufacturer Maclaren admitted to back pain caused by using a buggy. By carrying baby it also eliminates the need to keep bending down and picking them up. Using a sling could also be more forgiving on your body than trying to carry a cumbersome infant car seat.

Support: It is quite a common myth that you need slings, especially with woven wraps that you need them to be made from blends to be supportive. Firstly, you could have the most “supportive wrap” in the world but it will not be supportive or comfortable if you haven’t tightened it fully as it will leave slack in the carry. For example in a Front Wrap Cross Carry the passes are not needed to be spread for the carry to be classed as a FWCC and if tightened the passes are not needed. They may be useful for warmth or to provide a little head support for a sleeping babe, but if needed to stop it feeling like they are pulling away from you then there is slack that needs removing. Secondly, the term ‘supportive’ is often confused with comfortable and not being diggy on shoulders. Twisting rucksack shoulders for example can be painful. Have you considered sandwiching shoulders or trying a ruckless carry. A 100% cotton wrap is tested to be able to carry much heavier weights than the baby or toddler that will be carried in it. If needed it could carry an adult. If it was truly unsupportive it would break. The terminology which we use is important.

Toddlers: The trend for toddler size carriers is an extremely new phenomenon and do you know something? Toddlers do not need a toddler carrier. The issue here again is terminology and often people wanting to ‘get the best value for money’. We tend to refer to a baby as a toddler once they start, well toddling. But babies all start toddling at different ages. My own children started walking at 16 months, my godson 9 months for example. The trend for toddler size carriers has come with the emphasis put on a carrier being knee to knee but as we discussed in A to Z of Sling Myths Part One Knee to Knee is not as important once a baby can bear weight and thus once they have started to walk. Issues of body height and width of the toddler carriers can have a massive impact on your toddler. Is the panel so high that they are no longer visible? Do they like arms out and now can’t do so? Have they had to widen their legs more than they are comfortable with because of width of the carrier? These are all as important as whether the carrier is still knee to knee. Buying a carrier that is simply just too big for your child isn’t value for money but a waste of money while you sit waiting for them to grow into it. Remember most slings hold their value so if you buy one and then need to sell it on to help fund your next carrier that is ok. Most carriers have been tested to huge weight limits so they are not going to break under the weight of your toddler and finally, once a toddler starts toddling they will often want to practise this skill. Your carrying time will often reduce and your carrying needs may change as they want to be up and down a lot. Having a sling which simply fits in your change bag for that ‘up’ moment may be preferable.

Universal: One size does not fit all when it comes to slings. Every individual baby and adult that comes through my door has an individual carrying need. The vast array of slings on the market (at last count my library had 212) shows that one carrier will not suit everyone. What works for your friend may not work for you and your baby. Our body shapes are different, we have different preferences for shoulder styles, levels of padding, direction of tightening for example. There are ‘fashionable’ carriers available but just with clothing, fashions change. Don’t just assume because it works for your neighbour/friend/partner/a person on the internet it will work for you. Visit your local sling library or baby consultant. If you don’t have one near you hire one from those that do postal hire and try a few until you find the one for you and your baby now.

Vast amounts of fabric: It can be quite daunting when someone unfolds 5m of fabric. However, it is often halved very quickly once wrapped around you once, for example with a Front Wrap Cross Carry. The part of the sling where baby sits is quite small and the tails are used to tie. Pre-tying a sling can help reduce the need to tackle the fabric while out and about. There are also different lengths of wraps available, so spending time finding a wrap suited to your size and build can help. The more you practise the less fabric you will need to use too, so be careful not to buy a wrap that is too long.

Wrapping is complicated: Learning to use a sling is a skill. Learning to wrap is no different to any skill we have needed to learn. All wrap carries are made up of the same limited number of passes. It is learning these individual passes which will help you learn to wrap, as once you know the individual passes it is possible to do any carry. They will take practise, but any skill worth learning takes time to master. Don’t worry if your wrap job isn’t perfect. Perfect wrap jobs are few and far between and often found in instruction manuals only. If you feel like giving up after the first few attempts at wrapping, remember how difficult you found installing the carseat or folding the pushchair the first few times you did it. After a bit of practice, they become second nature and muscle memory takes over. Soon it will be second nature.

Xtras: A common concern by people using a sling is how do you carry all the ‘xtra’ stuff you need to take with baby and they assume it is not possible. The first thing to consider is are you front or back carrying? If front carrying a rucksack works well as it sits on your shoulders. There are special bags available on the market too. Any bag with a long messenger style strap work if you can get it to go over you and baby. I personally just use a large handbag as it is designed to sit on my shoulders so I rest if on top of the sling I am using. It is also worth considering do you need everything you have in your bag? I have been known on one night out to shove a nappy in one pocket, wipes in another and my phone, purse and keys in another. For longer day trips shopping trolleys can be filled to the brim and pulled behind you.

Y pull: If you look at lots of YouTube videos and even some instructions you will see them demonstrating a Y pull (or L pull) to tighten their sling. Both a Y pull and L pull provide a generic all over method of tightening a sling when you treat the sling like a rope holding full width of fabric in each hand. They are most frequently seen used when wrapping. However, woven wraps are made from hundreds of individual threads which all act independently of each other. It is therefore preferable to tighten each thread by using a strand by strand tightening method to remove the slack. By using a strand by strand tightening method you also avoid putting extra pressure on baby’s spine by over tightening and focus exactly on where needs tightening.

Zzzzzzzz: We all want our babies to sleep well. Society has told us that we should separate our baby from us and encourage them to self soothe. Unfortunately babies do not always want to be put down. How many of us have got a baby to sleep at the breast, bottle or in our arms, only for them to wake the instant we put them in their cot or Moses basket (Oakwell-Smith). The calming impact of your breathing and heartbeat has gone, the warmth of your body isn’t there. It’s normal behaviour. Using a sling lets baby have their daytime rest with you, it lets them feel secure. Use of skin to skin contact has been shown to help baby fall asleep quicker and lead to longer periods of more restful sleep (Ferber et al 2004), using a sling can facilitate this. One study found an 86% decrease in quiet sleep when infants were removed from their mothers for sleep (Morgan et all 2011). Using a sling can make daytime naps easier, simply as you don’t have to be set to strict routines at home, baby can nap while you shop, walk dog etc. The ‘Back to sleep’ has seen a reduction in SIDS deaths but the majority of deaths still occur when baby is in a room by themselves (Blair et al 2006). By carrying them for their sleep you can stay alert to their breathing and spot signs of distress early. Remember always keep them visible in the sling. You can read more about baby slings and sleep on the ISIS online website.
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Helping the NE carry their babies big and small since 2011

Category: Parenting